Now, THIS, is Romance!

“You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.” As I twirled and slow-danced myself from my living room to my bed room, I stopped in the doorway of my little six-hundred-square-foot apartment and widely grinned. How romantic it felt; not to share that experience of a meal and jazz music with the man I love, but to do it alone and be genuinely happy. I then proceeded to light candles, poured a glass of wine and sat at my dining table, also alone. You see, my home is usually empty, as in, I’m not usually entertaining any company. Where I live is really my definition of my home. I take joy in coming home alone, seeing all my belongings there and neatly positioned for my availability. My home has fostered and facilitated and furthered my love story; with myself. I don’t typically listen to love songs, as they tend to make me call people I ain’t got no business or all around make me feel more sad than anything, but lately, me listening to my favorite love songs have just been me just listening to my favorite love songs and nothing more. I would venture so far as saying that love songs make more excited about my husband finding me: this woman who loves God and loves herself and loves her family and just loves and who is ready to love him.

Well, living alone has made it very difficult for me to run away from spending time with God. Being alone with your thoughts is one thing, but being left alone with the God you say you serve, but have been ignoring, whether on purpose on accident, is another thing. Me and God always been real tight, ya know? But lately, He has been trying to show me some things about me and my future and tell me some secrets and I had been keeping the same level of energy I’ve been on for a while and God just wasn’t having that any more. If you find that you’re bored with your relationship with God and its become kind of mundane, its because its time to go deeper, sis (or bro, I guess).

Why did I say living alone has furthered my “love story; with myself”? Well, because, when you consider it, the more you know God, the more you know yourself. I heard this in the spirit, recently: “My people don’t know me as well as think they do. They keep doing things out of character, that I gave them, and then excusing themselves by saying, ‘God knows my heart’ and they’re right, I do, but they don’t know their own heart, because they don’t want to talk to me or spend time with me to learn it from me.” The best way to know exactly who you are, your purpose, your call, even the spouse to look for, is by seeking the face of God, endlessly. I mean, like, get on his nerves. After I started really driving my own car, I found myself years ago replacing the radio in my car with conversations with God, which is why, to this day, I ride primarily in silence. Now that I have moved in my own space, I have replaced a lot of leisure FaceTime calls with talking with the King. Instead of texting all day, I wanna study Texts. You get where I’m going, basically, every time I wanted to fill a time with something unnecessary, like a phone call with someone for absolutely no reason (all we were going to do is sit on the phone and breathe anyways) I let God breathe on me, then my phone calls are a little more intentional.

Its gotten to the point that literally all I have to do is merely acknowledge his omniscience and the fact that he’s here with me and he comes and grabs a hold of me and speaks to me, gives me words and revelations that I know can only be him.

My heart is FULL, even with me being displaced from all of the people I love (especially in the midst of this pandemic). I am happy, completely single and alone, but not the least bit bitter, jealous or sad. I am whole and that to me, is the most precious love story of my life so far because it is all due to God’s love and power and presence in my life. God wants so badly to really tell you who exactly you are because once you see who God says you are and you really have the faith to believe it, then you find the confidence to be unapologetically confident, strong, brilliant, talented and your whole, beautiful self. And guess what, having the faith to believe God’s definition of you only attracts the promises.

So anyways, stay tuned for the promises.

Because, sis, they getting in the car and are on the way.